Here we are, in what feels like the most bizarre season of life ever: sent to our homes, avoiding human contact, having conversations 6-feet apart, and working remotely. There is an overload of information, enough opinions to burst a worldwide bouncy house, and decisions changing hourly. As this all panned out over the weekend, I found my anxiety growing, mostly around the fears of the unknown (cue Frozen 2’s “Into the Unknown” song on repeat). But this week, the unknown became a bit more known: there will be a long season of isolation for us. That’s when my anxiety rooted a bit deeper in the dirt for me - how can I handle this change? When will I be able to hug my toddler friends? How will I be able to know how my friends are doing without seeing their faces? Who will put their hand on my shoulder when I’m stressing? Why are all these quarantine resources for families? How will I face the darkness of loneliness I so often know too closely already?
And then, in the weeds of the questions, came the temptations to plunge deeper into the anxiety - feeling jealousy towards families getting to experience togetherness, feeling selfish frustration that the events where I get to taste a bit of family are being cancelled one after another, feeling shame that I am the cause of my loneliness, and feeling a worthlessness in not getting to serve the families I know well. These feelings are not new to me - they are the carousels that come around often for my heart. So I invited Jesus into the weeds, into pruning my anxieties and revealing his gardening hand. And just as Jesus has revealed over and over to me the gift of singleness, he too began revealing the gift of social isolation as a single person as well. Don’t get me wrong, I’m lamenting plenty, going crazy just wanting to hug somebody, and am having plenty of less-than-glamorous responses to life (ie throwing a lot of objects and rolling my eyeballs way far back). But as the anxiety is being uprooted, expectancy is being planted in my heart. I expect the Lord to work; I expect the Lord to grow something good; I expect the Lord to tend to my heart and tend to my people’s hearts; I expect the Lord to be present. Six years ago now, a pastor prayed for the expanding of my imagination, and that little phrase has been one of the greatest gifts. Though I feel much angst about potential loneliness, my imagination is expanding to what this season could hold.
As a single person, I love to tap into the specific gift of singleness, which for me, typically looks like using my time to serve families – holding screaming babies during that blurry hour between afternoon naps and dinner, running to the store for groceries or bandaids, showing up and having a kitchen table conversation with a kiddo, and the like. I love this, as it is a gift I can both give and receive. It fills my heart in a special way. So here am I, not getting to do any of that! I turned to the Lord, asked him to expand my imagination and teach me to wield the gift of singleness amidst social distance. And below is what he gave me! I think these are universal to us all, not just single folks, but I am thinking especially of those living alone.
Be with community in prayer – when we enter into prayer, we go into the world, just as Christ commands us to do. During this season, I’m using all my meals (and my boredom snack times) as prayer times, to pray for our world, to pray for the sick, to pray for families feeling overwhelmed by being cooped up, to pray for the unemployed, to pray for healthcare providers, and to simply ask the Lord to reveal to me how to pray. As I began praying more intentionally, I already felt a connectedness I thought had been stripped of me.
Express gratitude for your community – thankfulness is usually one of the first things to go out the door for me during anxious seasons, so I started listing all the ways I’m thankful for my community. I started with one family, and I filled an entire page! I sent them a note letting them know how thankful I am for them, and I felt closeness with them and the Lord.
Get over the fear of burdening your friends and call them – as a single person, I tend to think if I have needs, I am burdening friends amidst the craziness of their family life - what a lie! Phone calls, FaceTimes, texts, and even social media are all going to be avenues for connection - what a privilege we have! If I stay in the mindset of fearing being a burden, I’ll eventually harbor some subconscious bitterness. There’s no need for that, just pick up the phone!
Find creative ways to serve your community – we are all gifted uniquely, and these Holy Spirit given gifts can transcend isolation. Serving one another is a deep joy, and there are still ways to serve, even if we’re alone! I love writing encouraging notes and making playlists, so those are two simple ways I am going to be with my community through service. I am also planning approximately 7 different post-virus parties on pinterest, so there’s that too. Expect an invite.
Smile a big, goofy smile a whole lot – being sans human touch like hugs and handshakes or simply being in close proximity to people means a decrease in that glorious oxytocin that gives us the warm fuzzies. So, I’ve been smiling more, even when I don’t want to. I smile at strangers from 6-feet away when I am on my walk, and they smile back!! I smile amidst the pure mayhem that is the grocery store. I smile on video calls, even the work-related ones (sometimes). I smile in the mirror during my eternal handwashing. Smiling gives me some of that joy I so often received from others.
Pay attention to your body and up the self-care – this is definitely one for all us, single or not. Our bodies take on even the smallest stress, so it’s a good time to pull out all the stops for taking care of our bodies. For me, this is a huge way of honoring the Lord and honoring the dignity he bestows upon me as his daughter. I want to take care of this body, not forget it amidst the stress. I’ll be doing lots of outside walks, lots of nourishing soups (thank you mountainous bone broth supply in my fridge), plenty of stretching to find where I am carrying new stresses, MANY dance parties, and more.
Receive the gift of being alone with the Lord – I don’t take this gift lightly. I already found myself having plenty of time to be alone, to be in prayer and the Word, but now I have even more time. This is a true gift from the Lord. He loves to be with his children and cherishes this time. I want to receive all that the Lord has for me in this season and consider myself blessed. I know I could throw this time away with angsty moments, binging shows, and scrolling endlessly, but I may not always have this kind of time on my hands, and I want to experience the Lord’s fullness in it.
So, as my imagination expands in this weird season, I pray yours is expanding as well. I pray that out of God’s glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3). The Lord’s love surpasses our social distance, and for that, I am truly thankful.